“I've been through Many things in my life, Some of which actually happened”
This is a quote I hold dear during these winter months in the face of Winter illness. Words such as these become weird source of comfort when I find myself in situations like I was in yesterday, down at ye old A&E.
And oh, how we love our Sunday family outings there, there's nothing like vending machine coffee and trip to ressus to perpetuate your anxiety levels at the end of a long week.
Beyond the patterned curtains lay great photo opportunities, who needs a cardboard cut out of a theme park icon when you can be photographed with a burns victim or a guy with a cone stuck to his head? No one can accuse us of not leading a full life that's for sure...
I just wish that when visiting this domain I could leave my live/die goggles at home. I choose not to bring them but each time they find me, nestling themselves snugly on the end of my nose, impacting on all my perceptions, against my greater will.
And once those goggles are out, a flea bite becomes meningitis, a head ache a brain tumour. Oh the pity I feel for the medical professionals when my goggles are around.
It doesn't help when, following a triage assessment, we get put on the on the resuscitation bay.
'We're putting you there so she can have a one to one nurse, it's because we're very busy and don't have any room else where'
Well why us? why are we getting the one to one nurse?'
'Because of her history'
'But you just said it was because there's no room anywhere else....it's because of that right? Because of the space issue... right? You're not worried about her are you? Why are you putting her on a saturation's monitor like that...you just checked her sat's. They were good weren’t they?
'You've done the right thing bringing her in and now we want to monitor her'
'What constantly? She was never constantly monitored the last time we were here, does that mean she's sicker this time than she was last time? oh goodness, this time I thought she was at the no- need- to -worry level, we're here for antibiotics..that's all, antibiotics and the 'we're happy if you're happy' talk. That's why we're here!
“I'd personally be happy if you wanted to wait in the waiting room with her, We thought you'd prefer it in here, that's all”
Okay. Good. I'm glad you'd be happy for me to sit in the waiting room.
- no I don't actually want to sit there, but good that I can if I want to. Good that we are well enough. I like it when you say these things...
The paediatrician comes in. her temperature is at 39.1.
'39.1? That's 102! That's high. I'm worried. Should I be worried?'
'I'm actually more worried about you than her'
Phew, it's just the goggles thing, she doesn't like my goggles, I can live with that, still I'd better apologise.
'I'm sorry you know...er, it's um...I ...don't like the bleeps they cause me to feel scared you know'
'Please, don't apologise'
I just did. Kinda.
After an hour or so in resus and seven hours in majors...finally we get the 'we're happy if you're happy' talk, and we make our weary way home.
Slamming the car door I carry my Smidge up the stairs, I take of my goggles and I'm tired.
So tired I can't even face a glass of white wine..that's how tired I am.
Even though I only wear these goggles occasionally now, they still ware me down somewhat, you know...