I am an awful Mother..
No, don't tell me I'm not, well you can actually you can in a minute after I've told you how awful I am, or tell me that I am not alone in my awfulness if you like. However, nothing can take away from the beastly bare faced truth that I am failing epically at parenting the pre teen.
Not him, he's not the failure, It's me.. The Mother One and as I see streaks of the overworked, overtired mum from my own child hood come forward in scary proportions, I realise that the choices I make as a parent do not automatically make me the most patient and understanding carer.
I chose stay at home Mumism because throughout my own upbringing, circumstances forced my own Mum to work herself in to the ground. Understandably, in the little time she had left, she needed to relax and there was little time to do the things other families take for granted such as days out, or evenings together doing something fun.
I vowed the same thing would never happen to me, that when I worked it would manageable hours so there was always time for the children. I would be there to collect them from school. I would sit at the end of the bed and have long communicative chats at bedtime. The biscuit tin would always be full in my house and people wouldn't be running around the house half naked first thing in the morning screaming that they cant find matching socks.
And I never did return to full time work after Mr G was born and didnt start part time until he was at pre school. When I did, nine times out of ten I was there at 3.30 to collect him from school. The paired socks, custard creams and long understanding chats didn't materialise quite as well as I hoped but hell, the intention was there.
Now I have Smidge too and all I do is stay at home, (minus a bit of social media work) But it's not time consuming, yet I am still a ranter. I am still a get out of bed late an utterly disorganised, Shouty Mother who blames her pre teen for springing a school trip on her at 8.00 in the morning.
'I gave you the letter weeks ago' says the pre-teen, glaring at me as I wipe sleepy dust out of my eyes.
'It's your fault, not mine'
God it's true. It's all true.
I need to change. I need be a better more organised, less ranty stay at home Mum, who isn't late for school. who makes her pre teens happiness the most important thing. However, when things are going wrong and I am faced with the jaw dropping face of a hormonal pre-teen, when I am presented with the conceited tones of a moody adolescent......I am far less than perfect. I am actually everything about Motherhood that I don't want and I just know the attitude phase is only just beginning.
So I need to learn to to be nice even when I feel like being evil.
Any ideas on how to do this would be greatly appreciated.