Sometimes I wish I was an annoynomous blogger, that way I could be much freer with my words,I know it's hard to believe I could actually be freer, but the truth is, I hold stuff back.
At the moment 'Diary Of A Premmy Mum' is linked up to my facebook account. It publishes every post automatically which is most inconveniant when you are trying to undertake a new identity as a Secret Premmy Mum. So the new plan is, not to add any new friends to my Facebook account. Facebook account? What Facebook account?
Today, Smidge and I attended our first group under our new Alius, on a mission to get Smidge some party invites, to make up for the ones we didn't get from our Post - natal group.
All in all it was a sucessful day, I met a couple of Mum's who seemed friendly, one even asked me to join her at another group tomorrow which is what I would call a result.
During a bit of small talk, one of the Mum's asked me how old Smidge was, I answered quite broadly, saying 'She's one' before flashing them a nice proud smile.
When they asked if I went to any other groups, I didn't mention the
secret society Premature baby group I go to. Such a disclosure would only prompt more questions. Before you know it, I'll end up being the walking, talking glossy magazine article again that everyone points at before announcing how many other prem babies they know, who are, by-the-way, all fine now. * yawn *
Once the prem status is revealed, the questions follow suite and It's not that I mind answering them but what I've found is, people don't always like the answers I give, I guess I'm still learning what is 'too much information' for people and to be honest, I find it hard to empathise with their cause, so it's probably best we dont discuss what happened at all.
The only thing that could expose us now is being spotted by someone with a trained eye. Yes I'm talking about (and oh how I hate the term..) that 'prem look' that Smidge unavoidably aquired during her stay at NICU.
Lying in an incubator when you should be floating in a womb somewhere does appear to have some knock on effects. One of which is famously known as the old 'Preemie head' also referred to as the toaster effect. (Although I never quite figured out why)
The other premmy trait that came about as a result of Smidge's prematurity was her Si-pap nose. Smidge loved her Si-pap machine (a device that supports breathing and lung development) and the mask that was so firmly strapped to her face meant her nose got a little squished, resulting in a cute button like effect.
None of these traits are obvious to anyone who hasn't known a prem baby. To me, these characteristics are all a part of her beauty and symbolise her strength. In few years time they will disappear completely, but for the intirum period, whilst trying to bag those invites, any conversation around prematurity must be avoided at all costs! With this in mind, some emergency measures have been introduced....
So, when I go to tomorrows group,on the outside, I'm going to be an every-day Mum.
I'm going to talk about the buy- one get- one- free offers and possibly even engage in a debate 'Huggies verses Pampers' perhaps..
But inside I'll be prouder than proud that I have strongest, toughest and most beautiful baby there and no woman prancing about with a matching changing bag is going to change that.