It's going to sound dramatic, but yesterday I took a big step.
Yesterday I took a snooze.
But not just any snooze you understand, this was a leap of faith/snuggled with smidge/monitor free type of snooze which I DARED to take for the first ever time.
Sounds crazed doesnt it? For over 16 months now, I have been to a monitor as junkie is to crack. Compelled and fixated.
Initially, the hospital wanted to discharge us without a monitor. Oh how laughed, Smidge without a monitor? (ra-ha-ha)
Reluctantly they finally agreed to help me source a small portable monitor with sensor pads. It became like additional limb until eventually, Smidge grew bigger and the attached box was starting to make her look like a 1980's battery operated tiny tears.
But thankfully, by way of good fortune, an anxiety embracing genius managed to come up with the Angel Sensor Pad, and boy I cannot tell you enough what an epic transitonary product this is for the institutionalised.
The good old Angel sensor pad lies under her cot mattress. It's super sensitive alarm system enables One-day hubby and I to slip in to a restful sleep, assaured as ever that the bleeps would awaken us, should Smidge take one of her turns.
If Smidge and I are out and about we don't need the sensor pad as she is always with in my visual/audio range, wheather she's healthy, sick asleep or awake.
I know I need to let go but it's scary, both for me and the One-day Hubby.
So yesterday, when at mid afternoon I was feeling a little sleepy I took a very big step forward. Smidge and I snuck upstairs in to the mummy bed and I snuggled her up close, like I used to with the fabulous Mister G when he was really, really small.
I soothed my Smidge to sleep with her favourite lullaby whilst I was stroking her hair. My eyelids began to feel heavy. Performing a quick risk assesment in my mind, I scrawled through my mental check list. Will she be too warm? Is she coming down with a cold? I anxiously questioned.
I listened to the rhythmic sound of her breathing... It was slow, steady, peaceful. I could have a little snooze I thought, with my Smidge all snuggled. …
Setting my alarm for twenty minutes I slipped in to the dreamiest of sleeps.
And do you know what? When I awoke to see Smidge all cuddled in, I felt like a tiny bit of peace had come in to our world and brightened up our day.