I don't know about anyone else, but when Smidge was going through NICU it felt to me like there was a very fine line between making a point known and being perceived as 'not coping'.
See if you're anything like me, then you'll like to take a view on things, particularly on the care of your own child, After all, that's what being a parent is all about isn't it?
But what if being a parent, if looking after your child (or taking a view on their care) feels like a risk? A risk that you'll insult someone, upset them or turn the old apple cart... so to speak.
And does speaking up about things make you even more vulnerable at an already hideous time?
This, to my way of thinking, is one of the many spins on parenting that one-day hubby and I were not prepared for, one of the many obstacles we had to over come when trying to care for our Smidge.
Things like staff going from one baby to another and not washing their hands, or giving Smidge milk that had not been warmed. Comments about how anxious I looked, Or how much less-anxious I looked - they irked me, and practically eVeRyThInG highlighted my lack of control, my inability to move forward in my role as Mum.
Mentioning these things though, actually speaking up, was like seeing a train pulling into a station at quiet rural location. It lets out a loud, long predictable screech and everyone turns their attention to that particular area as the microphone announces 'The train has arrived at platform one'
Or in my case 'The Mother at bay six has made herself known'
Followed by 'Please be careful when entering bay six'
Of course this is all about how it felt. How seriously staff take parental concern and to what extent parents are deposited in to the 'stressed out parent box' I couldn't actually say, and it would be unfair to say that any concerns I had were not addressed in the most humane way possible.
But actually speaking up? actually taking that step...when they were looking after my baby..
that was the hard part.